Great Expectations

Life can be a struggle. You find yourself barely hanging on. Read blogs and websites about how to be a great mother, overcome your weaknesses, be consistent, excel. But, real life trudges on with twists and turns and hard moments. Disappointments. Frustrations. Guilt. It all piles up into one big mountain. A dark one. How do you move it? You try to forget it but it hits you in the face every morning. Sometimes before you even get out of bed.


There is One who can move mountains.


I've been fighting my way through this past year. Hanging on at times. Like birth, 2 steps forward, 1 step back! I carried with me my bag of expectations...the things that I felt God would do for me and the things I thought He should do for me. I looked for relief in life, circumstances, doing. I, I, I.


My husband and I made our way to a wonderful hospital that is reputed for giving expecting parents a really great ultra-sound experience. I came with expectations. I knew how I wanted my family to take shape. 3 boys. 1 girl. It's time for another girl Lord. And, then , you know it... the ultra-sound technician says "another boy". I'm surprised. But, I make an on-the-spot decision that I won't allow myself to indulge in feelings of being forgotten by the Lord.


All weekend, I pray and cry and press in with the Lord. And, I pondered the words that came to my spirit and heart when I had first walked into that ultra-sound room.


Surrender to the Lord.


All along I've been sharing with people that this fifth pregnancy is a step that my husband and I took to give the Lord more control over our family. As I thought about my new little boy and prayed, I knew I had to surrender. After all, didn't I want God to build my family? YES! Didn't I want His plan for us? YES!


That weekend, the Lord gave me strength and help to put down my bag of expectations once again. I completely surrendered to His plans for me, once again. But, it wasn't defeat. Because when I gave up my expectations, I was filled with His hope, His peace and His joy. Oh I can't wait to hold this sweet little boy!!! Another boy!! YES!! And, I started believing in His promises again. That dark mountain I mentioned earlier was moved.
David wrote "[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living!" Psalm 27:13 I was walking down that road. The mountain, the burdens. I started to think that His goodness would somehow escape me! When you start to think that you won't see His goodness in your life, what becomes of you is despair, hopelessness and discouragement.


But, the Word tells us "Oh, how great is Your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear, revere, and worship You, goodness which You have wrought for those who trust and take refuge in You before the sons of men!" Psalm 31:19


I experienced surrender and hope that weekend. I experienced His goodness! My gender expectations turned into wonder and joy at how God Himself is building our family in His purposes.


He is my refuge. He moves my mountains. He replaces my disappointments with HOPE and turns my sorrow into JOY.

Oh Boy! :)


Julie-Anne :)


"Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord." Psalm 27:14